


Pencil Sharpener Blade

by JiminWreckedSugaBias



Series: Felix-Centric [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Best Leader Bang Chan, Blood and Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, Lee Minho | Lee Know is a good hyung, Read at Your Own Risk, Self-Harm, self harm is kinda graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:15:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26259271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiminWreckedSugaBias/pseuds/JiminWreckedSugaBias
Summary: Felix hadn't done this since he was eliminated. He had been clean for so long, was he really going to do this again?He stared at his arms, and the pencil sharpener blade. Fuck it.ORFelix self harms and Minho finds him.
Series: Felix-Centric [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907797
Comments: 5
Kudos: 239





	Pencil Sharpener Blade

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my readers. This is a very dark one, so read at your own risk.   
> This is kind of a vent fic because my mental health is spiraling downward out of my control and it was either write this or risk living what I wrote (minus the cuddles, i live alone), so I figured writing it was better, and then I figure hey why not post it lol 
> 
> ANYWAYS stay safe loves!

The members weren’t home and wouldn’t be for a while, and Felix didn’t care. 

He stared at his arms, his sleeves rolled up, and he glanced at the pencil sharpener blade in his hand hesitantly. He had been clean for so long, was he really going to do this again? 

A new wave of sorrow and tears rolled over him as he thought of how out of control his mental health was. 

_ Fuck it. _

He brought the blade to his wrist, dragging it slowly and feeling the scratch as he made a cut. 

It didn’t bleed instantly. It wasn’t that deep, he was afraid of going too deep. He was afraid of making a mistake and ending up in the psych ward. 

He was  _ terrified _ of the idea of being in one of those. 

So he never went too deep. Never gave reason for them to suspect he was a danger to his life if they ever found out. The last time he had done this was the night after he had been eliminated. Minho spotted the cuts, but he hadn’t said anything. He just hugged him through the night and never left his side. 

After they were added back, it wasn’t mentioned, but everyone noticed how Minho’s attention seemed to favor the younger Australia. Yet no one questioned it further. 

And Felix wasn’t sure if that hurt more or brought relief. On one hand, he hadn’t been found out. On the other hand…

_ Did they care? _

The thought urged him to drag the blade across his wrist again, and again, and  _ again. _

He started crying at some point, blurring his vision, and his senses were taken over by nothing but pain. The sting from the blade combined with the emotional pain clenching his chest everytime he let out a sob, it made him lose track of time. 

When he looked at his arm, it looked like it had been used as a cutting board. In a way, it had. 

There were zigzagged lines across his arm, from his wrist to almost his elbow. None of them were too deep, but there were so many of them that there was more blood than he was used to. 

He grabbed the first aid kit and got out the gauze and medical tape, securing it over his arm and pulled his sleeves down. He realized he had only mutilated one of his arms, which was better than he thought he was going to do. 

He looked at his phone and swore. 

Chan had called him five times, and Minho had texted him. 

_ “omw home.”  _

He had sent it twenty minutes ago. 

“Felix?” 

The boy’s eyes widened and he scrambled to put everything back in the first aid kit, but the bathroom door opened when he was about to put it back under the sink. He looked up and saw Minho standing there, and he felt like a deer caught in headlights. 

Minho walked in and closed the door, and sat down next to him. 

“Let me see.” He said gently. Felix shook his head and finished putting away the kit. Minho pulled the younger against his chest and crossed his legs around Felix’s lap. Felix let him, knowing that he wasn’t getting out of this. 

“I already covered it up.” He said. Minho nodded and rolled up both of Felix’s sleeves, and the younger felt the sharp intake of breath the dancer took in when he saw how big the gauze was. 

“How many?” Minho asked. 

“Probably thirty or fourty.” He said, feeling panic set in. 

“You know we have to tell Chan, right?” 

“No.” Felix hardened his voice in finality and tried to stand up, but Minho wouldn’t let him. 

“Yes, baby. We need to get you-”

“No! I won’t let you check me into one of those places, there’s no need! I didn’t cut deep, I’m not trying to kill myself, I promise, I-” he was hyperventilating now, and Minho slowly rocked the boy the best he could for the position they were in. 

“Baby, that isn’t what I meant. No wards, no inpatient, nothing like that, I promise. I’ll fight Chan myself if he so much as suggests it, but I know he would never.” Felix took a second to calm down before looking at the older. 

“Then what do you mean?” 

“Therapy, maybe. We could go with you the first few times if you want us to, I’ll go with you if you want, but baby I’m worried about you. I want you to be happy and not feel like you have to hurt yourself.” Minho said. Felix was crying again. 

He jumped at the sound of the front door opening and closing, and he looked at Minho with wide eyes. 

“We’re home!” Chan’s voice was heard down the hall. “Minho, why did you run off like that?” 

“It’ll be okay, Bokkie.” Minho said, kissing Felix’s head. Minho stood with Felix in his arms, and Felix rolled down his sleeves again as to not raise questions before they were supposed to. 

Talking to the others went better than Felix expected. Minho did most of the explaining, Felix adding in his own input when it was asked or he felt he needed to clarify something, and everyone was understanding of his avoidance to seek help before. 

No one suggested inpatient at all, much to Felix’s relief, and everyone was eager to do whatever they could to help him. 

“Felix, mate.” Chan said toward the end, when everything else had been decided and approved by the younger. “We all want you to feel better. Please let us know if any of us ever do something that makes you feel like that, and we’ll do better. Never be afraid to come to any of us if you feel that way and just don’t want to be alone, either.” 

Felix went to bed that night cuddling Seungmin and Jisung, who refused to let him sleep alone, feeling better than he had in weeks. He knew it was only a momentary feeling and his depression would come back the next day, but he would take what he could get right now. He just wanted to enjoy being cuddled. 


End file.
